Monday, May 30, 2005
i guess...
i might as well be the first one to say it...i checked the application status on saturday and found out that i was rejected from nus and smu...i know i expected it so it didn't have much effect on me but when i got the hard-copy letter today there was some faint stirring of emotion like anger or disappointment i really can't say... it passed...used to be whatever i got from pri sch days to 'A's i didn't really have any feelings about things like this...whatever i got i just accepted it contentedly...even the abysmal 'A's results... i don't cry or anything like that and then vi or szm might ask me 'ty you no feeling one ah?' and my answer was 'yah'i know i made sure i wasn't disappointed cos i din expect anything from myself...i know that i don't work hard for results simply because i'm lazy and have no discipline and don't know for sure if i even want to pass so even if i get 0% i deserve it and if i bitch or cry about it the most i'll get is "serve you right" or "i told you so"... compare that to ppl who do work for results, they might cry because they lost all the effort they invested so maybe it is their right to cry but me? i invest nothing, i lose nothing, i have no reason to be disappointed or unhappy...right? wateva the case, my fate has been sealed because i have not applied for poly and the remaining uni ntu is not likely send me a shining letter of acceptance on a white horse... i am thus bound to retake my 'a's privately and hope for the best...this new experience... of feeling things over letters... are they signs of me approaching emotional maturity?..... the next thing you know, my heart might start racing while i'm talking to someone and then i'll be unable to speak properly (reference to szm)
mood: curious
Labels: Random thoughts
mon chef d'oeuvre
4:46 pm
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